Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
