omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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