i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
