Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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