Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
