he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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