It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
