guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
