I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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