When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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