I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
