she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
