I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
