Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
