im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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