She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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