I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
