You made me cry and you don't even care
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I still have a little drunk in my system
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
