haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
