I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize