Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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