New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
