I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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