why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
