I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
