Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Found your dick twin last night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
