thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dick very happy bro
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
