I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
