My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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