p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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