I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
