I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
