he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
