Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
