Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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