i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
