ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
In America we eat man semen.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
