so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
