you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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