I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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