I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
