quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
