It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
