The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
