I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
These tits shall not be calmed
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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