and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
