porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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