I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
