Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize