This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
