My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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