I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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