Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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