made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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