listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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