The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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