That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
