he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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