Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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