I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
