make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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