ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
