In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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