Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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