Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
