D3 body, D1 cock
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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