do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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