I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
