I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
