hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize