I'm gonna have a badass scar
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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