All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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