why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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