I need help removing her.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
