I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
