im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
