using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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