I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
