I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
