WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
