I molested 6 butterflies tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
