We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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