So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
