she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
