it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
