Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All I want is dick and wine.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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