I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
