my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
