i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
