whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
