i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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