We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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