is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
