Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
