I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
