In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
