I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
