Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
