no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
