When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
