Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
